For some couples, this is a super easy question to answer—and for others, it’s more of a debate. The truth is—an elopement doesn’t have to be just two people. You can definitely still have an intimate elopement experience and a day that’s fully centered on your relationship with your closest friends and/or family involved.
However, if you do decide to invite family or friends along, whether it’s just a celebratory meal, the getting ready portion of the day, just the ceremony, or the whole day, make sure they’re fully on board with your vision and understand that you’re not having a big traditional wedding—but a unique celebration that’s authentic to your relationship.
Decide On "Who"
Once you have come up with the overall vision for your day, the next step of the planning process is about making the biggest decisions that will most affect your wedding experience: who you’re inviting, where you’re getting married, and how long your whole trip is going to be.
Take your time with these and make sure what you choose is in alignment
with what you two decided you wanted out of your wedding experience
when you were brainstorming.
Time of year, location, and if you will have guests are a good place to start.
02
Make the Big Decisions
Things to consider when eloping with family or friends:
• Out of the people you’re considering inviting, is everyone on that list going to be just as excited as you about the experience and be fully on board for what you have envisioned for your day?
• Is there someone who you think it would be
really meaningful to hear your vows, or would you rather read them privately to your partner without anyone else listening?
• Do you feel like inviting a few people could
result in a “snowball effect” where you have
to continue to invite more or is there a clearly defined “short list” that you don’t imagine would spiral out of control?
• Is there anyone you’re planning to invite that may try to take over or take control of your experience, try to shift focus away from what matters to the two of you, or who makes you uncomfortable, nervous, or stressed out?
• How accessible do you envision your
ceremony location is going to be? Can
everyone you want to invite physically make it to that kind of spot?
• What about transportation and lodging?
Where is everyone traveling from and is it
possible for them to get to and from your
location? Are there going to be suitable places for everyone to stay nearby?
As you decide, remember that there are many beautiful ways to include family or friends in your “getting married” experience, even if they’re not physically present when you say your vows.
There’s no right or wrong answer here as you’re following your heart. Don’t compromise. Don’t fall victim to expectations. Don’t let anyone else tell you how to have your day.
Remember!
If you choose to have a “just us” 2-person wedding, or if you have family members or friends who aren’t able to be physically present—you can still involve them in the process of you getting married in many creative and beautiful ways.
No one has the "right" to be at your wedding—it's a privilege
How to involve family + friends if they're not present
How to tell your friends + family of your plans
• Throw an engagement party
• Ask them to help you pick out your wedding attire
• Invite them to watch you sign your marriage license before you leave for your trip
• Include family heirlooms as detail items in
your day
• Facetime, Skype, or Zoom them on your day
• Invite them to write letters that you’ll read
during your ceremony
• Gift them prints or an album
• Invite them to write letters that you’ll read
during your day
• Send them photos, videos, and selfies during your day
• Open gifts or cards from them on your day
• Bring something back for them from your trip
• Have a party or reception with them after
your elopement
• Share your full gallery of photos with them
(you can even have a photo reveal party!)
Whether you’re eloping just the two of you or inviting some friends & family but not others, it’s important to think through how you want to communicate your decision to have a wedding day that’s unique to the two of you.
You can choose to tell everyone in advance and even send out an announcement or you can tell a select few people only or keep your plans entirely secret and announce it after. Do what feels the most empowering to the two of you that will enable you to relax and fully enjoy your day, without anyone else’s opinions or expectations. These are my best tips on how to make the news go over as smoothly as possible if you choose to share.
Tip 1
Dropping hints before getting engaged or announcing your elopement can ease friends and family
into the idea of you eloping without you formally having to tell them yet—reducing objections
and any surprises. If there are certain people you expect will be more skeptical of the idea of an
elopement, you can also ask other friends and family members to help you drop hints too.
Drop Hints And Be Obvious
Tip 2
Many couples opt for telling their friends and family that they are eloping in-person because it makes it easier to explain why you are choosing an elopement and to share your genuine excitement through your expression and voice. If they don’t live close by, video chat is the closest replacement to telling them in-person.
Tell Them Face to Face (Or on a Video Call)
Tip 3
Some friends and family members might react to your plans based upon the misconception that your elopement means excluding them— and explaining your reasoning behind why you decided to elope can help relieve those negative feelings.
Share Your Reasons Why
• We wanted to do something incredibly meaningful to us on our wedding day
• We wanted our wedding day to be truly intimate and not performative
• We wanted to spend as much time together on our wedding day, making each other
happy instead of any guests
• We wanted to say our vows in a beautiful and private place that just won’t fit a huge group
• We wanted the process of getting married to be as stress-free as possible
• We don’t want to wait to plan and pay for a big traditional wedding, and we are ready to celebrate our love sooner by eloping
• We decided to save for a house, a travel experience, or another investment instead of spending that money on a party
A few common reasons you can share are:
Tip 4
Asking your friends and family to participate in your planning process can help them feel like they are still involved in your big day in some way while also reassuring them that they are not being excluded. Telling your friends and family about all the details of your elopement day can help them understand the time, energy, effort, and thought that you’ve put into creating your elopement ceremony—and why it’s perfect for you and your relationship. Keeping them informed allows them to feel involved and excited since they know what you are planning.
Keep Them Involved + Share As Many Details As You Can
Tip 5
Some couples reveal their elopement with their friends and family by surprising them with the elopement pictures—which are the best and most tangible way to show how much fun you had on your actual elopement day. Sharing your photos can help those who weren’t present understand what your elopement was all about
because they can see your joy, your happiness, and overall how incredible the day was for you and your partner.
Share Your Photos With Them
Tip 6
It’s good to empathize with friends and family who may be initially disappointed in your plans— but don’t forget that your wedding day is a celebration of your love with your partner (not anybody else) and that you deserve to have the day that feels right and authentic to you.
Remember the Day is for You
Decide on "Where"
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO SAY YOUR VOWS?
There are a ton of factors that will affect your elopement day, but picking your location is one of the biggest pieces of the puzzle that will determine the experience of your elopement day.
Your location should feel right for you—it should be somewhere you feel overwhelmingly happy, somewhere you feel absolutely alive, somewhere you know you and your partner can focus on each other and truly be in the moment.
1 SCENERY & VIEWS
What type of scenery do you and your partner feel connected to? What views fill you with a sense of happiness, inspiration, and peace? Where would feel the most “you” to say your vows? Remember back to your brainstorming stage of the process and what you two determined about your vision for your day. What scenery would fulfil that experience that you’re dreaming of?
2 SEASONS & WEATHER
Some types of scenery and landscapes really shine at certain times of year—so consider the season you’ve chosen to wed, and what types of scenery are best at that time of year. If you’re getting married in the spring, waterfalls tend to be flowing there best, there’s usually a lot of snow at high altitudes, and the desert can be quite pleasant. If you’re marrying in the middle of summer, you could go somewhere with blooming wildflowers and high-elevations are more accessible. If you’re getting married in the fall, consider where the best fall colors may be.
3 ACCESSIBILITY
How accessible your location is will greatly affect your wedding-day experience. What types of transportation are you and any potential guests willing to take to get to your spot? A long car ride? A bumpy 4x4 road? A bush plane, float plane, helicopter, gondola, or ferry? Are you (and any potential guests) excited about hiking to a location? Make sure you deeply consider what experience would be the most fun, relaxing and totally “you.” How accessible you want your spot to be can help you narrow down your location options. Also keep in mind any other guests that might be attending and their capacity to travel or hike.
4 SECLUSION
In a perfect world—your elopement location would ideally have world-class postcard scenery, super easy accessibility, and total seclusion—but most of the time you usually have to prioritize two out of those three. Some locations that are easier to access usually have less privacy because of it. The general rule of thumb (although not a set rule) is that the further you are willing to travel, the more secluded your spot will probably be—so ask yourself how many people you would be comfortable having around or how much privacy you would be willing to give up for a Instagram-trending view. You can also find great seclusion at “hidden gem” locations that are just as gorgeous as the Instagram trendy spots—just less well known. Eloping at sunrise is another way to get more privacy at a typically busy spot.
5 MEANING
Be intentional about the place you decide on and the significance it has to you now or could have to you in the future. Maybe it is a favorite place to travel to with your partner, a place you’ve always wanted to go, or a place that you could travel back to every year to celebrate your anniversary.
6 EXPERIENCE & ACTIVITIES
Beyond saying your vows and taking portraits, what else do you want to do on your elopement day (or weekend or longer)? Whether you want to relax in a hammock between the trees, take a helicopter or float plane ride, go sailing, kayaking, paddleboarding, skiing, paragliding, wine tasting, or stargazing—some locations will lend themselves better to certain activities. When you are planning these activities as a part of your day and your overall trip, keep in mind realistically how long they will take and how long it might take to get from one to the next (with a buffer just in case)! If you have your heart set on a particular activity—this could help you narrow down where you choose to elope.
7 GUESTS
Do you want others to be involved in your wedding or just you and your partner? If you do opt to invite guests, be intentional with how many people you invite, aware of any accessibility or travel needs, and decide on how much of the day they will be involved in. Figuring out the number of guests involved is an important component of choosing a location since some locations have very specific limits on the number of guests that can be in attendance—but don’t be discouraged because there are gorgeous places out there that can accommodate more guests! Just be certain that you are setting realistic expectations with any guests in attendance about how much traveling is involved and how much they are going to be involved with your wedding day.
PRIORITIZE YOUR EXPERIENCE
You’ve chose to elope in the first place because you and your partner wanted to be true to your authentic selves and have a fun, stress-free day—so don’t pick a location that isn’t aligned with what you two know about yourselves and what you really enjoy doing together on an everyday basis. There are endless beautiful places in the world—so don’t feel any pressure to travel too far, hike too far, or do anything that isn’t you just to get to a certain backdrop. The most important thing is that you two enjoy your day—so make sure the spot you pick and what’s required to get there is aligned with that.
DON’T RULE OUT A MULTI-LOCATION ELOPEMENT
Can’t decide on a single spot for your elopement location? Then don’t! Going to more than one location is a really great way to get a ton of variety of scenery, activities, and experiences. If you two love touring around, sightseeing, and soaking in as much as possible—a multilocation elopement could be perfect for you! Also remember that you don’t have to fit your elopement experience into one single day—if there are several spots you want to visit and see together, don’t be afraid to spread your experience across more than one day.
START THINKING ABOUT BACKUP LOCATIONS
While it’s important to consider all of the factors that will help you narrow down to the most ideal elopement location—it’s just as important to think about backup locations. When deciding on your first choice location, remember that sometimes conditions can be unpredictable (like road closures or bad weather)—especially if you want to elope outdoors. Having a flexible attitude toward where exactly you end up saying your vows can really help your wedding day be perfect, no matter what circumstances you run into. I recommend deciding on a few backup options in the early stages of the planning process so you’ll feel super prepared in case they are needed.
DON’T FORGET TO THINK ABOUT PERMITS
Many locations on public lands (like National Parks, State Parks, National Forest Land, BLM Land, etc) require permits in order to have a ceremony or have a photographer/videographer document it professionally. Before finalizing your location, make sure you contact the designated person or entity in charge of that location (like a ranger station or park staff in charge of special events, special use, or commercial use permits) and get first-hand information on what’s required for your specific event. Some locations don’t require a permit for smaller events, but it’s important to always check ahead of time. Ask about how much time would be needed to secure the permit, possible restrictions of the permits, how many guests that permit would allow for, whether or not the photographer would need to apply for a separate commercial use permit, and what the costs of the permits are. It’s best to get permit information in writing in case you are asked to show proof.
BE READY TO LEAVE NO TRACE
Leave No Trace is a set of ethics that everyone who recreationally uses the outdoors should strive to practice in order to do their part in protecting the environment. It is made up of 7 principles that guide decisions to leave the least amount of impact possible on outside spaces:
• Plan Ahead and Prepare
• Travel and Camp on Durable Surfaces
• Dispose of Waste Properly
• Leave What You Find
• Minimize Campfire Impacts
• Respect Wildlife
• Be Considerate of other Visitors
To best follow Leave No Trace, you should do research beforehand so that you can make a plan to stick to trails and other durable surfaces, be ready to leave everything you find and pack out everything that you bring in, and be prepared in case you encounter any local wildlife. Following the Leave No Trace ethics helps preserve outdoor spaces and our access to them by making sure that we use them sustainability and responsibly–so that you can return to whatever location you choose to have a vow renewal or anniversary session and still have it be as pristine as the day that you got married.
Tips for picking the best location for you
Decide on the length of your trip + Celebration
The journey from dating to being married can have many steps and “thresholds” that you two cross as a couple—so the final big-picture decision to make about your experience of getting married is how many days your whole trip is going to be and if there’s any additional celebrations you plan to have along the way.
MULTI-DAY ELOPEMENT
Who says your wedding has to all fit into one single day? It doesn’t. Many couples choose to spread the joy over multiple days. You may want to consider a multi-day elopement if you want some of your time to be with friends & family and some of it to be just you two. You may also have grand plans of exploring multiple places or going on a lengthy adventure just the two of you that spans multiple days. Make sure the overall trip you are planning includes time for your celebration to extend beyond just one day so that after you book travel & lodging, so you don’t look back and wish “Ah, I wish we had carved out more time!” In my experience, no one has ever said they wish they had planned a shorter trip, so when in doubt, go for more days rather than less.
POST-ELOPEMENT RECEPTION
One very popular route many couples take that helps more friends and family feel included is to have a party or celebration after their elopement day. You can have a reception the day-after your elopement or in the same week—but from experience, I’d suggest you plan it 3-6 months afterward so it’s not stressing you out on your actual wedding day. A reception can be anything from a casual BBQ in your backyard, to taking over a local brewery or restaurant, to doing something fancy in a catered venue. Deciding to have a reception may change who you want to invite to your actual wedding day or
where you decide you want to elope—so this is a great decision to make early in the process, before you’re too deep into planning.
ENGAGEMENT SESSION
If your collection with me doesn't include an engagement session, here is your sign to add one now! Engagement sessions are a fantastic way to enjoy the excitement of being engaged, have another fun adventure with your partner, and practice being relaxed in front of the camera. If you two have never been photographed professionally before, it can be really fun to go out on a totally casual adventure with me (your photographer) in your everyday attire and do something fun together that I’ll document before your wedding day. Engagement photos are also perfect to use in elopement announcements, intimate wedding invitations, a guest book, or in décor for your elopement. If you’d like to chat more about adding an engagement session (or getting your engagement session scheduled)—just shoot me an email and I’d be stoked to chat about it with you!
